Switchboard Operator
" Alder Hey Hospital(Liverpool) 1977-78.
Switchboard Operator
" Liverpool City Council Main Number 1978-1980.
Registry Office Usher
" Liverpool City Council(Brougham Terrace) 1980-1981.
Apprentice Welder.
" United Welding Co Ltd(Bootle Merseyside).
Courier Messenger
" Liverpool City Council- City Estates Surveyors 1983-1984.
Housing Manager
" Liverpool City Council(Belle Vale District Office)
1984-1986.
" Liverpool City Council(Central Allocations Office)
1986-1987.
" Liverpool City Council(Garston District Office) 1987-1990.
Social Services Care Worker(Mental Health)
" Mental Health Carer (Unicorn Road Day Centre, Liverpool)
1990-1993.
Trainee-Paralegal/Solicitor
" Silverman Livermore Solicitors(Liverpool) 1993-1994.
" Linskill's Solicitors(Liverpool) 1994-1995.
" Ord & Co Solicitors(Liverpool) 1995-1997.
English Language O Level
Commerce G.S.E Grade 1
Maths G.S.E Grade 2
History G.S.E Grade 2
B.TEC Management N.V.Q.
Qualified F.A. Class 1 Referee.
Qualified F.A. Football Coach.
Write comedy page for Yes! Magazine, which is a disabled monthly
magazine.
Equity Member.
Frist local groups obtain benefits and welfare rights advice
from
a local clinic.
Football, swimming, Quiz Nights, Walking and my two children
who are
a full time hobby.
Stood in for presenter Roger Phillips on Radio Merseyside
phone in.
Merseyside comedian of the year.
" B.B.C Television - Kilroy -1986 Subject Red Nose Day
Debate.
" B.B.C Television - The Marksman - Play for Today Series.
" Yorkshire Television - The James Whale Show - 1987.
" Yorkshire Television - The James Whale Show - 1989.
" Central Television - Central Weekend - 1990 Subject
Police Corruption.
" Central Television - Central Weekend - 1991 Subject
Attitudes to
Humor.
" Sky Television - Sky One - Sky Star Search.
" Granada Television - Up Front Subject Politcal Correctness.
" B.B.C Television - Good Morning- Anne Diamond &
Nick Owen(Thalidomide).
" Granada Television - This Morning - Richard Madley
& Judy Finnigan(Thalidomide).
" Yorkshire Television - Stand & Deliver.
" Channel 4 - Cutting Edge - North East Club Life.
" I.T.N News at One, News at 5:45, News at Ten - Announcing
my winning
Merseyside Comedian of the year.
" B.B.C Television - Over The Edge - Mandy & Gary's
Comedy Quest.
" Anglia Television - The Tin Lids - Documentary on
Thalidomide victims.
" Anglia Television - The Time the Place - John Stapleton
Subject
What makes us laugh.
" London Weekend Television - The Jonathan Ross Big Big
Talent Show.
" Granada Plus - The New Comedians.
A woman wants to improve her sex life, so she buys a pair
of crotchless
underwear. She puts them on and lays on the bed. Her husband
comes
home. She says "Honey would you like some of this?"
the husband says
"Are you kidding look what it did to your underwear!"
*********************************************************************
A girl was a prostitute but didn't want her grandma to
know. One
day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes and the
girl was
amongst the group. The police had all the prostitutes line
up in a
straight line. Along comes the grandma and sees her grand
daughter.
Grandma asks grand daughter, "What are you lining up
for."
Granddaughter, not willing to let grandma know the truth told
her
grandma that some people were passing out free oranges and
that she
was lining up for some. Grandma wanted oranges too, so she
went to
the back of the line. A policeman was going down the line
asking for
information from the prostitutes.
When he got to the grandma, he was bewildered and asked, "You
are
so old, how do you do it?" Grandma replies, "Oh,
it's easy, I just
take off my dentures and suck them dry."
*********************************************************************
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
He bought a warehouse.
*********************************************************************
An old lady, slightly mad, is wandering round the old folks
home with
her zimmer on wheels. Another loony suddenly stops her in
the corridor
and says,
"Show me your driving licence".
The old woman fiddles about in her pocket and pulls out a
sweet wrapper.
He checks it and lets her go on her way.
Another man stops her and demands to see her tax disc. She
presents
a coaster which the lunatic checks before letting her pass
on.
She carries on and spots another man standing with his penis
hanging
out. She quickly turns away and says to herself, "Oh
no, not that
bloody breathalyser again!".
*********************************************************************
Q. What did the Leper say to his mother whilst riding his
bike?
A. Look mum, no hands!
*********************************************************************
A man was on holiday in Ireland and he needed a new gas canister
for his caravan, so he approached a local in the street and
asked
"excuse me, do you know if there is a B&Q in Dublin".
"No" replied
the local "but there's 2 ee's in Leeds".
*********************************************************************
Q. How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came
from.
Q. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A. Wiped his ass.
*********************************************************************
Q. What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A. A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch
sleeps
with everybody at the party except you.
*********************************************************************
Q. What's the difference between love, true love, and showing
off?
A. Spitting, swallowing and gargling
*********************************************************************
Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
intention
of driving.
Q. What do you call a smart blonde?
A. A golden retriever.
*********************************************************************
Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's
ass?
A. A mechanic!
*********************************************************************
Q. Who is the most popular man at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and
a dozen
donuts.
*********************************************************************
Q. Whatis the difference between a battery and a woman?
A. A battery has a positive side.
*********************************************************************
Q. How can you tell a macho women?
A. She rolls her own tampons.
*********************************************************************
BLIUVuvO-+WSbR%d
Q. Who is the most popular man at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and
a dozen
donuts.
*********************************************************************
Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A. A battery has a positive side.
*********************************************************************
Q. How can you tell a macho women?
A. She rolls her own tampons.
*********************************************************************
Q. Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde"
paint?
A. It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.
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